The Game Day Survival Guide (and a Bonus Jargon Decoder)

Football Made Simple for Every Family

7:40am, one shin pad, and a banana

One shin pad is on the stairs. The other is somewhere nobody has thought to look yet. The banana you meant to pack is still on the kitchen side, and your child has just announced, halfway through breakfast, that these are the wrong socks. The meet time is at nine, twenty minutes away.

If that sounds familiar, you're in very good company. Almost every football parent has had this exact morning. Most of them also spend the next hour on the touchline not quite sure what the person beside them is shouting about, which is why this week's guide comes with a bonus section at the end. A few of you asked for a jargon decoder, so here it is.

Packing the bag (ideally the night before)

The essentials are short:

·       Boots

·       Shin pads, which are compulsory and have to be covered by the socks. The referee will check.

·       A water bottle with their name on it

·       A warm layer for before and after the game

·       Spare socks and a carrier bag for muddy kit

·       A small snack that won't cause trouble in the car

One thing that catches people out: earrings, rings, bracelets and even rubber or leather wristbands all have to come off before a game and covering them with tape doesn't count. It's far easier to sort that out at home than in a car park with a child who loves their earrings.

What to expect

Fast, noisy and a bit chaotic. There'll be mistakes, a few goals at the wrong end and at some point your child will look across at the touchline to see what your face is doing.

Yours can be the easy part of their morning. Smile, clap, carry on.

Many youth leagues use rolling substitutions, so your child coming off usually means a breather rather than the end of their game.

It's worth checking the club's messages before you set off, because pitches do sometimes get called off after bad weather.

On the touchline

We went through this properly in our post on what coaches and referees want from parents, so here's the short version. Clap for effort on both sides, leave the coaching to the coach and let the referee referee. If you can only remember one of those, make it the middle one.

Talking to the coach

Most grassroots coaches are volunteers fitting this around work and family and they'll almost always appreciate a quick, friendly word. The best moments are before or after the match, not during it and not while emotions are running high. “Thanks for today” is a perfectly good opener and so is “Is there anything we can practise at home?”

If something is bothering you, like playing time or which position your child is in, send a message later or ask for a few minutes another day. The touchline in the middle of a match is the one place that conversation rarely goes well.

Other parents

Be friendly, stay out of the gossip and keep opinions about other people's children to yourself. Nearly every touchline has a parent or two who'll happily explain what's going on if you ask and most of them felt exactly as lost as you do on their first Saturday. You'll find those people faster than you expect.

The drive home

You already know the three sentences from last week: “I loved watching you play.” “What did you enjoy today?” “I'm proud of your effort.” Sometimes the best debrief is a snack and a quiet car and that's fine too.

Bonus: the jargon decoder

Half the confusion on a touchline is the shouting. Here's what it all means in plain English, including the ones a few of you asked about. Some of these you'll hear every single week. Others are more TV commentary than Saturday morning and you may never hear them at an Under 7s game.

Things you'll hear shouted from the touchline

“Man on!”  A warning to the player with the ball that an opponent is close behind them or closing in fast. It usually means pass it quickly or protect it. Its opposite is “Time!”, which means nobody's near you, so take a breath and look up.

“Get tight.”  Stay close to the player you're marking, so they have less space and less time to do anything with the ball.

“Hold them up.”  It depends who's being asked. For a defender, it means slow the attacker down and don't dive in, so teammates have time to get back. For an attacker, it means keep the ball safe, with your back to goal, until your teammates arrive to help.

“Track back.”  Run back towards your own goal to help defend, usually shouted at a forward or midfielder who's wandered upfield.

“Push up” and “drop off.”  Push up means move the team higher up the pitch, closer to the opposition's goal. Drop off is the reverse: move back and give yourselves more room behind you.

“Show for it.”  Move into a space where the player with the ball can see you, so they have somewhere to pass.

“Keep your shape.”  Stay in your positions as a team, rather than everyone chasing the ball in a bunch.

“Clear it!” or “Get rid!”  Kick it away from danger, usually near your own goal. Worth knowing that many youth coaches now ask for the opposite, which is “play out from the back”: the goalkeeper and defenders pass it short instead of booting it long, because it gives children more time on the ball. It can look risky from the touchline and there'll be the odd mistake. But if parents are shouting “clear it” while the coach is asking for a pass, a child hears both. That's one more reason to leave the instructions to the coach.

“Second ball.”  The loose ball that drops after a header, a block or a clearance. “Win the second ball” means be the first to react to it.

“Book them!”  A call for the referee to show a yellow card, which is a formal warning. The name comes from the referee writing the player's name in their notebook. A red card means a player is sent off. At youth level, a yellow card for dissent (answering back to the referee) means a short spell off the pitch called a sin bin, which is eight minutes in games shorter than 90 minutes. You'll usually hear “book them” from frustrated adults rather than coaches, and it's one we'd gently suggest you don't join in with.

How teams play

Press.  Chasing the player with the ball, as a team, to put them under pressure and win it back or force a mistake.

High press.  The same thing, but done high up the pitch, close to the opposition's goal, rather than waiting back in your own half. It's tiring and takes good teamwork. Waiting deeper is sometimes called a low block.

Counter-attack.  Attacking quickly the moment you win the ball, while the other team is still spread out and out of position. You'll also hear it called “on the break”.

Inverted.  Usually used for a winger (wide midfield player) or full-back (wide defender) who plays on one side but drifts into the middle instead of staying out wide. A right-footed player on the left wing who cuts inside onto their stronger foot is the classic example.

Half-space.  Picture the pitch split into five lanes running from goal to goal: the two outside lanes, the middle lane and the two lanes in between. Those two in-between lanes are the half-spaces. Players like receiving the ball there because it gives them more angles and more options than out wide or in the crowded middle.

Half turn.  Receiving the ball with your body angled slightly sideways rather than flat-on to the player passing it. It lets you see more of the pitch and turn or pass forward quickly with your next touch.

Zonal and man-marking.  Two ways to defend, mostly seen at corners and free kicks. In zonal marking, each defender looks after an area. In man-marking, each defender sticks to one opponent wherever they go.

Corners and free kicks

In-swinger.  A corner or free kick that curves towards the goal. It's harder for the goalkeeper to deal with because the ball is already heading their way.

Out-swinger.  A corner or free kick that curves away from the goal, towards attackers running onto it. Which one it is depends on which way the ball bends relative to the goal, not the sideline.

Indirect free kick.  A free kick where the ball has to touch another player before a goal can count. The referee raises one arm straight up and keeps it there until the ball has been touched. A direct free kick, by contrast, can go straight into the goal. In the smallest-sided games, free kicks are often all direct, so you may not see an indirect one at your child's level yet.

The odds and ends

“Lino.”  Short for linesman, now officially called an assistant referee. It's the person with the flag on the touchline. At most youth games it's a volunteer from one of the clubs, quite often a parent, helping the referee with the flag, but the referee makes the final decision. It's also one of the easiest ways to get involved if you ever fancy it.

Clean sheet.  A match where a team doesn't concede a goal. It's usually credited to the goalkeeper, though the whole team usually earned it.

Nutmeg.  Putting the ball through an opponent's legs. Children love doing it and they love it even more when they tell you about it afterwards.

 Heard something on the touchline that isn't on this list? Tell us and we'll add it.

 You're part of The Football Parent Network, and by next Saturday you'll know exactly what they're shouting about.